Football fans, you can all rest easier about the New England Patriots and their role in Deflategate. Quarterback Tom Brady says it’s no big deal.
Because, you know, this isn’t ISIS:
“This isn’t ISIS, this isn’t, you know, no one’s dying,” Brady said. “But you know, we’ll get through this and hopefully we can really start preparing for Seattle and, you know, get our mind focused there, because they’re going to take, you know, all my mental energy for the next 10 days.”
You see, Brady has his head screwed on straight. He has his priorities in order. He knows that sports aren’t life. There are more important things to worry about.
So as long as an NFL player isn’t pulling a gun out of his sock and gunning down his competition on the field, the rest of us should just get over it.
Sports are just sports.
That probably explains why NFL commish Roger Goodell went so easy on Ray Rice for punching out his girlfriend in an elevator. It wasn’t ISIS. No one died.
Maybe that’s why the NCAA is considering a deal that would give back all of Joe Paterno’s vacated wins as a result of the Jerry Sandusky scandal, which would posthumously return Paterno to his pedestal as college football’s all-time winningest coach. I mean, sure, Paterno knew that Sandusky was raping boys and did nothing about it . . . but, hell, it isn’t like he hung somebody. Nobody died.
Perhaps Reggie Bush and Pete Carroll should call the NCAA and tell them they want their Heisman and national championship trophies back. It isn’t like anybody died.
While we’re at it, University of Tennessee athletic director Dave Hart needs to get on the horn with the NCAA and inform them that Donnie Tyndall isn’t ISIS, either, so they can back off those alleged infractions that occurred under Tyndall’s watch at Southern Miss.
Nobody died at Southern Miss, did they?
This explains why Urban Meyer is treated with kid gloves by the media for overseeing one of the most lawless teams in modern NCAA football history, including former NFL player (from the Patriots, incidentally) Aaron Hernandez. It wasn’t ISIS. No one died.
Oh, wait. Hernandez did kill two people. Never mind.
In the same press conference, Brady bemoaned the fact that Deflategate is tainting the Patriots’ AFC championship, saying he hates that the incident is taking away from the Patriots’ accomplishments.
Here’s a newsflash for ya, Tom: Don’t cheat, and your accomplishments won’t be tainted.
Seems pretty simple to me.